Placing Boundaries

The Full Disclosure has been read and cried over. And though there was this freedom that I am FINALLY known; my wife would feel the weight of ALL THIS in the coming years of our marriage.

This wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. This is just not how anyone should ever go about this. My wife felt burdened and yet relieved and eventually it would lead to her loving me more because she now know ALL OF ME. But before that ever happens, some things had to be put in place.

When making your list of boundaries and expectations after adultery, anything goes.

Anything. Goes.

Those were the heralding words that was given to me and my wife graciously for our next homework assignment.

So now I’m making it your homework assignment.

My wife sat down to write a list, and here’s what she came up with:

1. Cancel personal iPhone account.

2. Access to all email addresses.

3. Delete all social media accounts.

4. No passcode on my work iPhone.

5. No using iPhone in the bathroom. Ever.

6. Must call me back within 5 minutes. (If I didn’t answer)

7. No cash withdrawals. Debit only. (For tracking purposes)

8. Access to any and all emails/texts between me and the other woman. (Retrieve any deleted data)

9. No calling/texting females. (Her friends, coworkers and the like)

10. She can ask any and all details of the affair as much and as often as she chose.

11. Must tell me anytime I must communicate with a female coworker.

12. Weekly counseling.

This list would serve to protect her heart, help to rebuild trust, reduce the amount of triggers (to a certain degree), and walk in the light.

What scared her the most was knowing that the list had zero power to change my heart.

She would have to "trust in the Lord with all her heart, and lean not on her own understanding". (Proverbs 3:5)

And she also couldn’t help but wonder…

Would I comply?

After her hearing the disclosure letter this is what she needed in order to take the steps toward healing. No matter how scared she felt about seeing my reaction to it, this had to happen. It was difficult for me to lose all privacy and what it would mean for our future…

Walking in the light in marriage is a must for real intimacy to take place (we learned that the hard way). What are some boundaries and expectations you have in place (or plan to have in place) with your spouse? Is there anything you would like to add to this list? Have you given your wife permission to create a list for you?

Comment below your thoughts on this. Tell me if you’ve made this priority with her yet or not, and then why not.