Full Disclosure: I’ve never been this naked

Not only did I fool my wife and the one’s closest to me. I fooled myself. I had no idea how strong the consequences I was about to feel we’re that heavy.

I’m sitting in my counselor’s office. It was me, him, and my wife sitting across from me. Far enough to give each of us space. In the beginning stages we drove separate vehicles and perhaps that was best. It wasn’t on purpose though, I drove a company vehicle and drove straight to the counselor’s office from where I was in the field.

All that to say, we were not the happiest together. But we both knew we had the slightest chance to make it. We fell right into this process. I would even say I enjoyed it to some extent. There was something about all this that felt like, you know? Freedom. I was tired of living a lie for so many years that I felt free to let it out. However, a man must remember that it this moment you’re getting all the healing. But she’s carrying all the weight. You can read about that in my ebook.

Until…

Counselor: “I have a project for you.”

Me: “Yeah? What is it?”

Counselor: “I need you to take this week to sit down quietly and write out your whole sexual history from your earliest memory.”

Me: “What? Really? I CAN’T DO THAT.”

Counselor: “Do you want to stay where you are or get to place where you’ll like and know yourself?” “Do you love your wife?”

Me: “Well yeah…but…”

Counselor: “This will take some time. You will start remembering things you forgot over the years. Things that you’ve never sat with will pop up. Write it all down.” “From your earliest memory until now with this recent woman.”

Me: “Shit.”

Counselor: “Do not allow your wife to read it.”

[NEXT VISIT]

We sat down. Me, my counselor, and my wife. Her sitting across from me, enough to give us both space from each other.

Counselor looks at me. “Do you have your homework assignment?” “Get it out.”

“I want you to read it to her.”

Eyes wide. Beyond belief what I signed up for. Wanting to walk out. I have NEVER shared with anyone about my sex life. It had been my own little secret. No one knew about that time in 2nd grade, my mom babysat a girl. We would cover the bottom of my bunk-bed with covers and play around. Yeah. No one knew.

No one knew about me riding off in the woods with this gal on the back of my four-wheeler when I was 13 years old. No one knew.

No one knew about me in my 20s, a believer, and living a very active sexual life - a double life. No know knew.

And now I’m about to read this to my wife?

Stop in next week for Episode 3