[Standalone] Faithful Father
What a day it is? A day of celebration to some. To other’s? Well…it’s a day that hits the inadequacies of us all. Some of us are swimming through the current of how to be a father. Especially if you have a son! And especially if your dad was a dipshit.
Lets face it. This is NOT going to be a blog for excuses. This is only for data purposes.
If your dad was in the military for over 20 years, served as an MP, was an alcholic for the better part of his career and life, borderline athiest/agnostic, money was tight unless it was gambling, enjoyed spending more time on his Tracker boat fishing alone than a pontoon with his family…well then we have the exact same dad. Funny.
Even then, he was my step-dad that came into my life at around four years old. My biological dad was nowhere to be found after I was born.
So let’s put this into perspective real quick before it gets out of hand.
WE NEED GOOD FATHERS.
Fathers who are married to his wife and fans the flame.
Fathers who are present with their kids most of the time.
Fathers who are sober.
Fathers who aren’t dipshits.
Fathers who will buy the pontoon in order to bring his whole family along…and ENJOY IT.
Fathers who will worship GOD faithfully.
Fathers who will spend money for pleasure to see his wife and kids laugh and giggle.
I’m giving you a permission slip to stop blaming it on your past experiences with your dad. Whether he was good or not. I’m giving you permission to be your OWN man and to build upon that…no other man. I’m giving you permission to set yourself up - how much time do you need in order to stop using your dad’s failed experiences until you step up to the plate?
I’m also calling for Father’s Day to be a day where you stop going golfing every year (celebrating how “good” you are), and making it a day for renewing your dedication to be faithful and true until the next Father’s day rolls around. We have 364 days out of the year to go relax and have “me time.” This day needs to be rebranded and marketed correctly.
No more Father's Day sales. No more Father’s Day discounts. A Renewed Commitment Day.
Do you know why? Let me tell you:
Social-emotional development is one key area where fathers' impact is seen clearly. Studies find that secure attachment with fathers, supports emotional skills like empathy and the ability to read emotions.
Children whose fathers were active play participants, particularly roughhousing, were shown to have strong social competence in school and improved behavior. While that roughhousing may seem rowdy and silly, it actually has amazing hidden developmental benefits.
Research is opening our eyes to the fact that the father's day-to-day involvement with their children influences their education and cognitive development as well.
Studies find that teens with involved fathers are less likely to have problems with delinquency and depression.
Some studies find that teens who have a secure attachment to their fathers have higher self-esteem and are less likely to engage in delinquent behaviors. The time fathers invest in those early years establishing a strong bond with their children continues to benefit them into adolescence.
Some researchers focus on play behavior as being central to fathering, just as nurturing behavior is seen as essential to mothering. Father-child play is important for children because it is physical and highly stimulating, which allows the child to experience the activation and regulation of excitement. It also helps children understand and test boundaries in a safe environment, which helps them in countless ways as they figure out the world.
These are just a few bullet point examples to get you thinking on what we do here in our children’s life.
What about our wife?
She’s the pride and joy. She’s your only one.
J at Hot, Holy & Humorous points several things out from a wife/mom perspective here:
Why does his ability to father impact our physical attraction?
Caring for our children is caring for us. We are so connected to this little person, or people, that we cannot entirely separate ourselves from them. Our children carry a bit of their mother’s heart around at all times. So when a father treats his wife’s children well, it’s felt not only by the child, but by the mother as well. Likewise, she feels the barbs too. It’s as if we mothers naturally follow Romans 12:15 when it comes to our children: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”
I’m not saying that a father should not discipline his child — he should — but I’m talking about the father who exasperates his children (see Ephesians 6:4, Colossians 3:21). It’s hard for a wife to feel a strong romantic attraction toward a man who injures her child’s heart more than he shapes her child’s character.
Being a good father reminds us that we complement each other. Ideally, children are raised in two-parent homes with a mother and father. God designed the family to flow from this one-flesh connection of male and female. A dad cannot take a mom’s place, and a mom cannot take a dad’s place. As the mom, all I can do is my part of the parenting, and when my hubby does his part as father, our complementary roles join to create a whole bigger than the sum of its parts.
This harmony reminds a woman that she is better off with a man in the house. And hey, it’s kinda awesome to have a manly man doing his thing. In fact, there are other ways in which we complement each other… For instance, our body parts seem to line up quite nicely too. I’m not saying it’s a guarantee that wives translate this to the bedroom. But I do believe that seeing the balance of male-female in the home sets a good atmosphere for that connection.
Loving the most vulnerable in our lives helps us feel safe enough to be vulnerable with you. When our children are infants, they are helpless; as toddlers, fragile; as preschoolers, unguarded; as elementary age, tender; as tweens, insecure; as teens, tentative. Yes, our children are more than those traits, especially as they mature, but in a world rightly run by adults, being a minor means being vulnerable. So when a man shows tender love toward children, he demonstrates that he’s protective, safe, trustworthy.
Now, sharing our hearts and our bodies is an incredibly vulnerable act for a woman. We want to feel secure and to know that we can trust our husbands with that vulnerability. It’s kinda sexy to believe that your husband will take care of your body the way he protects and cherishes your children. We wives can feel more confident about baring ourselves, physically and emotionally, when we’ve seen how diligent and gentle our husbands can be with our kids.
But being an exasperating father will likely be a barrier to her wanting to make love. And being a godly father makes you more appealing — and may well turn her on.
So to all the great fathers out there, and to the ones who commit to do better, thank you! You, your children and your wife benefits from it.